Friday, January 29, 2010

I'm down to 174 pounds!

That may seem huge to a lot of people, but considering just this past summer I was well over 225 pounds, it's a huge success for me. I view it as a huge milestone. When I began my weight loss journey I was looking forward to weighing 175 pounds. It's not my goal weight by far, I'm actually aiming for about 130. However I had my sights set on little milestones along the way, like weighing less than 200 again.. a weight I'd hovered around for the past 7 years since having my twins. Then for some reason 175, and the next milestone will be 150. I'm not sure why I like those numbers, but that's what I've been looking forward to.

Right now I feel a huge sense of pride, more so than I have through out this entire journey. Even though I'm not through yet, I do feel like I've accomplished something by coming this far. It's a great feeling!

The weight loss does appear to be slowing down a lot. A couple weeks ago I stepped on the scale only to find I'd only lost 2 pounds that week. That was very depressing. I know 2 pounds is a nice, healthy weight to lose in 7 days, but I was aiming a little higher. The following week I'd lost 3 pounds, and this past week I lost 4. That's not nearly as depressing, actually it's pretty exciting, especially since I was a little worried about my weight loss this past week. Not that I'd really had any slip ups, it's just that I haven't been as energetic. I'm still doing my daily work outs at the gym, but when I get home I spend the afternoon just sort of lounging around. Normally I attempt to stay active and get some chores done, but lately I just haven't felt like it. I was worried that the scale would reflect my laziness, but I was pleasantly surprised, and thrilled that I'd reached that 175 mark!

It's sort of odd the way you see yourself when you're losing weight though. It's obvious that I've lost a lot of weight, I can certainly see it, but there are still times I look in the mirror and feel like there's really no difference in my body than there was a few months ago. I guess it's just my own constant self criticism at play, reminding myself how fat I still am and only focusing on all the negative aspects of my body. I just seem to be a lot more aware of my trouble zones than I ever used to be, and oddly enough I seem to be seeing more fat than ever before. I used to think I was just big boned, or very muscular. Now I'm seeing how much fat really is there, and wondering what it will look and feel like once it's gone.. and of course still questioning if it will ever really be gone or not.

I do hope it won't take too long to get to my next major milestone! I'm hoping to be at my goal weight before summer, hopefully around May. So with any luck I'll hit 150 in March. Hopefully I'll find my energy again soon and lose the laziness that's been hitting me in the afternoon too!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Great Strides

I have joined my first ever Walk for a cause! I joined Great Strides, a 10K walk for Cystic Fibrosis. My Godfather was born with CF, and he died when I was just a kid. He was 30 years old. So this cause is very close to my heart.

The walk will take place in May. I have the challenge of trying to raise $150 by then! This will be difficult because I do not know too many people. I hope I do well.

I'm looking for all the help I can get. If you can make a small donation, please click below. It will be greatly appreciated, not only by me, but by those suffering with CF who you'd be helping with your donation.

donate to my cause

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dieting is Hard Work!


So I've been at this dieting thing for a bit over 2 months now, and I'd been doing great! In the beginning of December I joined my local YMCA so I could get in some more intense work outs. The first thing I realized was that I was a lot heavier than I thought I was. My scale at home said I started off at 225 lbs, and when I joined the Y the scale said I was down to about 190 lbs. The first thing I did at the Y was get on their scale, which is the old fashioned type where you have to move those little blocks until the bar is even. That scale told me I still weighed 205 lbs! So my scale at home was way way off! I honestly have no idea how heavy I actually was when I started, so I have no idea how much I've really lost. What I do know is that I am now down to about 183 lbs (according to the Y scale) and I've lost at least 40-50 pounds... although I'm telling everyone I've lost 60 because there is a chance that I started off at around 240.. how scary!

As far as working out goes, I'm doing great and am so proud of myself! At first the idea of running for half an hour seemed so daunting, and I could barely do it. Now I can run for a full hour (5 miles) and still do half an hour on another machine, and lift some weights. I am constantly trying to push myself to go just a bit longer, or a bit harder, and I make sure to switch up my work outs so I don't get too bored. On Tuesdays I take a cardio class which incorporates some weight lifting. On Wednesdays I take a group cycling class, which is a pretty intense half hour! No matter what, by the time I leave the Y I am literally dripping in sweat, and it feels great!

My "diet" is another story! I've been having a bit of a hard time since mid December. It started one night, after having a really bad day, when I gave in to my desires and chose to eat out at a restaurant instead of cooking a healthy meal at home. We went to a burger place, and I ordered the nastiest, greasiest burger on their menu!

I attempted to get back into the healthy dieting lifestyle the next day.. but a week later it happened again. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to gorge myself on junk food, so we ordered pizza and wings and I went to town. I repeated this behavior weekly ever since.. not always with pizza though.

This past weekend was probably the worst thus far. Saturday night hubby and I had a date night. My kids went to my mother's and hubby and I were left trying to find something to do for a few hours. We were both hungry and chose to go out to eat. I could have ordered a nice healthy meal, but decided to go ahead and allow myself something slightly unhealthy, but it didn't stop there. I also ordered the "all you can eat" salad bar along with my meal, and then proceeded to make 2 trips. It wasn't just healthy salad at that salad bar. There was pasta salad, potato salad, broccoli salad, and plenty of other unhealthy options. I indulged in all of them, and ate my entire dinner even though I was beyond stuffed! After dinner I treated myself to a fatty Starbuck's Frappuccino, complete with whipped cream.

I don't normally get too upset with myself when I have these mess ups. Most of the time I know in advance that I'm going to mess up, such as when hubby and I plan to go out to eat. I consider it like a "cheat" day. I do my best to eat healthy the remainder of that "cheat" day. If I can I work a little harder at the gym that morning, or at least the next day, and I have every intentions of getting right back to healthy eating once that cheating episode is over.

However it didn't end for me on Saturday. Sunday was just as bad. My healthy dinner did not satisfy me well enough, and I wanted to gorge myself. Against my better judgement I allowed myself a couple pieces of candy, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn't. Then I tried to eat a fat free yogurt, that usually helps when I'm craving junk food. The yogurt usually satisfies any sweet tooth I may have, and the calcium in it usually curbs hunger. But this time it didn't work! Thankfully we were too broke to go get fast food, or even buy some junk food from the store. The only option I had in the house was some tater tots, so we cooked up a whole tray of them, and between hubby and myself, we polished them all off!

I've spent all day today wondering why I've been messing up so bad lately. It's not just the once a week, it's everyday that I struggle, I just don't always give in, but food is always on my mind! Some days it's really hard to fight it off. Most days I do eat a little more than I'd like to, but it's usually not too terrible.

I'm afraid my weight loss may be suffering from my dieting problems. I'm definitely losing weight a lot slower than I was, and that is going to become depressing. If I don't continue to see results, I may give up completely.

I need to keep reminding myself that I'm stronger than my cravings, even on the bad days. I also need to find other ways to handle my stress, which is most likely the cause of the over eating. With five kids it's impossible not to get stressed!

Hopefully from this point on I'll have my eating more under control and will get back to losing weight and getting thin and healthy! I'm aiming to lose another 30 pounds or more. I'll know when I get there!