Monday, June 8, 2009
This is My Life
Starting a blog really isn't as easy as I thought it would be. At first I thought some background information about myself would be helpful to understand who I am and where I'm coming from... but then there's the question of who's going to see that, and who's going to have hurt feelings over it.
Basically, my life has had ups and downs. People have came and went. Some of them came and went in good ways, others not so good.
I could get into it all, but then I'm possibly hurting people's feelings, or saying things about others (although true) that they may not want me to be publicly discussing.
So let me start with life as I know it...
I'm a stay at home mom of 5. I've been happily married for over 6 years. My children are: Javier, age 12; Tyler and Tristan (otherwise known as "the twins") age 6; Aydan, age 3 (in a couple weeks); and Mathieu is 16 months.
My husband works about 50 hours a week (usually late hours until 9pm) at a place called Aaron's Sales and Lease. It's a rent to own store. He's the CAM (Customer Accounts Manager), basically if you don't pay your bill on time, he's the guy who knocks on your door to take your stuff back! It pays well, but with trying to raise 5 kids, his income just isn't enough.
For the most part I have a great life, although I do have to remind myself of that often. I have a tendency to take things for granted, and I rarely count my blessings until for some reason they're thrown in my face.
Like most stressed out moms, I have days where I wish things could be different. Some days I miss the way my life was before I got married, back when I was single and free to do what I pleased. But then I know how much I'd miss my family, I couldn't give them up for the world. (Every mom feels this way sometimes, right??)
I didn't exactly mean to have 5 kids.. most of them just sort of happened. Javier was born the day after my 17th birthday. His bio-dad (otherwise known as sperm donor) is completely non-existent, never has been. The best we hope from him is our whopping $50 a month child support which hasn't come in over a year at this point... but that's a whole other story...
The twins were sort of planned, but obviously I didn't plan on having twins. I was hoping for just 1 child. They were supposed to be my last. I was even scheduled for a tubal, but my health insurance cancelled on me and I never got the procedure.
Precautions were taken, naturally, but somehow I ended up pregnant with Aydan anyways. Needless to say I wasn't exactly thrilled at first, but the moment I laid eyes on him I couldn't imagine life without him.
While pregnant with Aydan I somehow manipulated my husband to get a vasectomy. Long story short.. it didn't work. 10 months after Aydan was born I found out I was pregnant again, and then we had Mathieu.
We're praying we don't end up with any more surprises! Maybe one day I'll share the story about how I had to choose between having my gall bladder removed or having my tubes tied, and why I chose the gall bladder removal.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, so I was meant to have this large family even though sometimes I truly don't believe I'm worthy of them, and I certainly don't think I'm always capable of handling them. For some reason it's meant to be this way, and I've come to accept that (what choice do I have?)
To know about my personality, there's a song: "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks, that pretty much describes me to a T, word for word.
I have many interests, and they always change on a daily basis. I go through phases where I never want to be indoors at all, then I'll go through a phase where I won't get out of bed. I go through cooking phases and wouldn't be caught dead actually buying bread because I'd rather make it, then a week later the kids are lucky if they get peanut butter sandwiches for dinner. These "phases" as I call them can change in an instant. Sometimes they last for a couple of weeks, sometimes they only last a day.
I may seem pretty outgoing, but in actuality I'm shy, reserved, and rather insecure until you get to know me. Once I'm comfortable around you I will not hold back, and this is basically what you get (because of course I'm comfortable on the Internet where I am not aware if you pass judgement). Then you'll notice is that I love to talk, and sometimes have trouble shutting up (which is why a blog is such a wonderful idea!).
I guess if there's anything else you need to know, you'll learn about it in time!