The Rewards of Weight Loss

Over the past few months, since I've begun losing weight, I have had very few people notice the difference in the way I look. My mother, who I see once a month, has never failed to notice. My husband's coworkers noticed at a Christmas party back in December. However, most people see me far too often to be able to notice.

Saturday we went into our local Blockbuster. We used to go there at least once a week, if not more often. We love watching movies! Then in November we ordered cable TV, and have had fewer visits to Blockbuster since then. There are always free movies on TV, or at least some TV shows we'd like to watch, so there was little need to rent movies. On Saturday we thought we'd treat ourselves (unfortunately we picked out some movies we now wish we hadn't seen: Fame and The Invention of Lying... neither are really worth the time!).

There are a few employees at that Blockbuster that I'd seen often enough to recognize, and they in turn recognized me and my family as well. However on Saturday those employees were not there. There was a new employee I'd not seen before, and another girl that I didn't recognize at first. When I brought our rentals up to the counter to check out, she immediately asked "Have you been losing weight? You look fantastic!". I was a little shocked, first that she had recognized me, and second that she could even notice weight loss considering I was wearing a heavy winter coat that's about two sizes too big for me.

It's really a wonderful feeling when someone you don't really know recognizes that you've lost some weight. Your friends and family, they're already aware you're attempting to lose weight, so their compliments could be taken as "Well, they're just trying to be nice because they know I'm trying to lose the weight." To have a stranger notice, it's like one of the greatest compliments you can get!

I spent all day Saturday feeling wonderful about myself! Not just from the compliment I received at Blockbuster, but also because I'd gone to a Thrift Store that morning to get myself some new pants and a nice outfit to wear on a date with my husband next weekend. Every item of clothing I picked out and tried on actually fit, and fit well! I purchased 2 pairs of pants, a size 12 jeans, and size 10 black slacks. I put the jeans on as soon as I got home, and felt so good about how I looked. The pants I'd been wearing were all size 16, (down from the 20 I was wearing over the summer), and they were huge on me. The form fitting 12 jeans really showed off how thin I'm getting and how great I look. It really was a wonderful experience, and very motivating to continue all the hard work I've already been doing!

Why can't it all wait 2 more weeks??

We are no strangers to financial crisis. There's rarely a day that goes by that we're not worried about how we're going to pay an upcoming bill, or how we'll manage a particular repair. We're the type of family that does put off important things, like a leak under the kitchen sink, and we don't really think twice about the fact that we haven't gotten around to fixing it after months and months of dealing with the problem.

However, every once in awhile so many things will happen all at once and we get quite overwhelmed. That's how things are going for us right now!

So we've just e-filed our taxes. According to the IRS schedule we'll most likely be getting our refund on February 12th. But of course our problems can't wait that long!

The very day after we file our taxes, we discover our cable and Internet have been disconnected due to non-payment. Oops! I can't say we're always really good about our bills... because we're not. We are really good about the important bills. Rent, power, and car insurance are always paid in a timely fashion. However when it comes to the little bills like cable, phone, and debt, I tend to put those off to the side and forget about them. Not really on purpose. It's just that money is always so tight, and I can't always handle the stress of thinking about yet another bill. So I put it aside, planning on looking at it later, but I never get around to it. So this is why cable was shut off.

We go down and pay our cable bill, getting it turned back on immediately. Then, Friday morning I discover our phone has been disconnected! Another oops moment. I can still recieve incoming calls for a few days, but I cannot call out. Unfortunately since we paid the cable, we can't afford to pay the phone bill this week, so I have to just deal with it. When we'll be able to pay it is yet to be seen because rent and power bills are coming up on us and will be due before we get our tax refund. Boy oh boy, are we having fun yet?

Just when you start to wonder if anything else can go wrong.. it usually does!

We've been sharing one vehicle for a few months now. Our van was having a lot of problems that we couldn't afford to repair, and of course the inspection was up in December.. not that it matters because the vehicle won't start now anyways. So in the morning I drop Jay off at work and then I head off to the gym and run my errands and whatever else I need to do. Normally he'll come get the car in the afternoon on his lunch so I don't have to drag the kids out late at night to pick him up. However, Saturdays he's usually out at 2pm, so I'll just wait and go get him.

This past Saturday started out no different. He went to work, the kids and I went to the Y, then we came home for lunch. After lunch I get a call from my Father In Law, he wants Javy to come over and watch a basketball game with him. He tells me he'll come get Javy around 1:30... I say "No, No.. I have to pick Jay up from work at 2, so I'll just drop Javy off." I also had to go to Walmart for a couple things, and drop Tyler off at a birthday party at 3, and pick him up again at 5.

So I load the kids into the car and begin to pull out of the driveway. When I apply the brake, it goes all the way to the floor and the car doesn't slow! Yikes!! I had to throw it into Park to stop the car. I turned the car on and off a few times, and tried again and again, with no change. So after a few minutes we all got back out of the car... that's when I began to wonder how I'd let anyone know about what happened. My father in law was expecting Javy to show up, and I couldn't call to let him know I can't drive my car. Jay is expecting to be picked up, and I can't call him either!

In the end I sent my mother a message on the computer to call Jay and tell him everything, so it all worked out... but the problem is I still have no brakes on my only working vehicle.. and still 2 weeks before we get our taxes back to afford repairs.

Jay works with a guy who works on cars, so he was supposed to come over on Sunday to take a look at our brakes. I got up early and thought it would be a good idea to clean the house up a little bit before the guy got there. I start by trying to do dishes (I don't have a dishwasher). Yeah, well, the pipes froze and I have no water in the kitchen! I end up doing dishes in the bathtub because the water in there worked just fine.

Turns out the friend never showed up anyways. The cold water finally came back on late afternoon, so I did the dishes in ice cold water. As soon as I turn the water off after washing all these dishes, don't you know the hot finally started dripping! Thanks a bunch!!

So after the terribly stressful day we had, we had the wonderful idea of getting a pizza and wings.. comfort food!! We made little english muffin pizzas for the kids to save money (otherwise we'd need like 3 large pizzas!!). Jay goes to look up the number to the pizza place and oops... can't call out!! Thankfully the place isn't far away, so he walked over there to order a delivery. He says the look on the guys face who took his order was priceless.

The friend finally came over this morning, but didn't have the time to fix our brakes. They're hoping to get it done sometime today... though I'm not holding my breath. I borrowed my father in law's van today to go to the gym, but I don't want to have to do that everyday!

If only the brakes could have waited 2 more weeks before deciding they didn't want to work anymore!

I'm down to 174 pounds!

That may seem huge to a lot of people, but considering just this past summer I was well over 225 pounds, it's a huge success for me. I view it as a huge milestone. When I began my weight loss journey I was looking forward to weighing 175 pounds. It's not my goal weight by far, I'm actually aiming for about 130. However I had my sights set on little milestones along the way, like weighing less than 200 again.. a weight I'd hovered around for the past 7 years since having my twins. Then for some reason 175, and the next milestone will be 150. I'm not sure why I like those numbers, but that's what I've been looking forward to.

Right now I feel a huge sense of pride, more so than I have through out this entire journey. Even though I'm not through yet, I do feel like I've accomplished something by coming this far. It's a great feeling!

The weight loss does appear to be slowing down a lot. A couple weeks ago I stepped on the scale only to find I'd only lost 2 pounds that week. That was very depressing. I know 2 pounds is a nice, healthy weight to lose in 7 days, but I was aiming a little higher. The following week I'd lost 3 pounds, and this past week I lost 4. That's not nearly as depressing, actually it's pretty exciting, especially since I was a little worried about my weight loss this past week. Not that I'd really had any slip ups, it's just that I haven't been as energetic. I'm still doing my daily work outs at the gym, but when I get home I spend the afternoon just sort of lounging around. Normally I attempt to stay active and get some chores done, but lately I just haven't felt like it. I was worried that the scale would reflect my laziness, but I was pleasantly surprised, and thrilled that I'd reached that 175 mark!

It's sort of odd the way you see yourself when you're losing weight though. It's obvious that I've lost a lot of weight, I can certainly see it, but there are still times I look in the mirror and feel like there's really no difference in my body than there was a few months ago. I guess it's just my own constant self criticism at play, reminding myself how fat I still am and only focusing on all the negative aspects of my body. I just seem to be a lot more aware of my trouble zones than I ever used to be, and oddly enough I seem to be seeing more fat than ever before. I used to think I was just big boned, or very muscular. Now I'm seeing how much fat really is there, and wondering what it will look and feel like once it's gone.. and of course still questioning if it will ever really be gone or not.

I do hope it won't take too long to get to my next major milestone! I'm hoping to be at my goal weight before summer, hopefully around May. So with any luck I'll hit 150 in March. Hopefully I'll find my energy again soon and lose the laziness that's been hitting me in the afternoon too!!

Great Strides

I have joined my first ever Walk for a cause! I joined Great Strides, a 10K walk for Cystic Fibrosis. My Godfather was born with CF, and he died when I was just a kid. He was 30 years old. So this cause is very close to my heart.

The walk will take place in May. I have the challenge of trying to raise $150 by then! This will be difficult because I do not know too many people. I hope I do well.

I'm looking for all the help I can get. If you can make a small donation, please click below. It will be greatly appreciated, not only by me, but by those suffering with CF who you'd be helping with your donation.

Dieting is Hard Work!

So I've been at this dieting thing for a bit over 2 months now, and I'd been doing great! In the beginning of December I joined my local YMCA so I could get in some more intense work outs. The first thing I realized was that I was a lot heavier than I thought I was. My scale at home said I started off at 225 lbs, and when I joined the Y the scale said I was down to about 190 lbs. The first thing I did at the Y was get on their scale, which is the old fashioned type where you have to move those little blocks until the bar is even. That scale told me I still weighed 205 lbs! So my scale at home was way way off! I honestly have no idea how heavy I actually was when I started, so I have no idea how much I've really lost. What I do know is that I am now down to about 183 lbs (according to the Y scale) and I've lost at least 40-50 pounds... although I'm telling everyone I've lost 60 because there is a chance that I started off at around 240.. how scary!

As far as working out goes, I'm doing great and am so proud of myself! At first the idea of running for half an hour seemed so daunting, and I could barely do it. Now I can run for a full hour (5 miles) and still do half an hour on another machine, and lift some weights. I am constantly trying to push myself to go just a bit longer, or a bit harder, and I make sure to switch up my work outs so I don't get too bored. On Tuesdays I take a cardio class which incorporates some weight lifting. On Wednesdays I take a group cycling class, which is a pretty intense half hour! No matter what, by the time I leave the Y I am literally dripping in sweat, and it feels great!

My "diet" is another story! I've been having a bit of a hard time since mid December. It started one night, after having a really bad day, when I gave in to my desires and chose to eat out at a restaurant instead of cooking a healthy meal at home. We went to a burger place, and I ordered the nastiest, greasiest burger on their menu!

I attempted to get back into the healthy dieting lifestyle the next day.. but a week later it happened again. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to gorge myself on junk food, so we ordered pizza and wings and I went to town. I repeated this behavior weekly ever since.. not always with pizza though.

This past weekend was probably the worst thus far. Saturday night hubby and I had a date night. My kids went to my mother's and hubby and I were left trying to find something to do for a few hours. We were both hungry and chose to go out to eat. I could have ordered a nice healthy meal, but decided to go ahead and allow myself something slightly unhealthy, but it didn't stop there. I also ordered the "all you can eat" salad bar along with my meal, and then proceeded to make 2 trips. It wasn't just healthy salad at that salad bar. There was pasta salad, potato salad, broccoli salad, and plenty of other unhealthy options. I indulged in all of them, and ate my entire dinner even though I was beyond stuffed! After dinner I treated myself to a fatty Starbuck's Frappuccino, complete with whipped cream.

I don't normally get too upset with myself when I have these mess ups. Most of the time I know in advance that I'm going to mess up, such as when hubby and I plan to go out to eat. I consider it like a "cheat" day. I do my best to eat healthy the remainder of that "cheat" day. If I can I work a little harder at the gym that morning, or at least the next day, and I have every intentions of getting right back to healthy eating once that cheating episode is over.

However it didn't end for me on Saturday. Sunday was just as bad. My healthy dinner did not satisfy me well enough, and I wanted to gorge myself. Against my better judgement I allowed myself a couple pieces of candy, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn't. Then I tried to eat a fat free yogurt, that usually helps when I'm craving junk food. The yogurt usually satisfies any sweet tooth I may have, and the calcium in it usually curbs hunger. But this time it didn't work! Thankfully we were too broke to go get fast food, or even buy some junk food from the store. The only option I had in the house was some tater tots, so we cooked up a whole tray of them, and between hubby and myself, we polished them all off!

I've spent all day today wondering why I've been messing up so bad lately. It's not just the once a week, it's everyday that I struggle, I just don't always give in, but food is always on my mind! Some days it's really hard to fight it off. Most days I do eat a little more than I'd like to, but it's usually not too terrible.

I'm afraid my weight loss may be suffering from my dieting problems. I'm definitely losing weight a lot slower than I was, and that is going to become depressing. If I don't continue to see results, I may give up completely.

I need to keep reminding myself that I'm stronger than my cravings, even on the bad days. I also need to find other ways to handle my stress, which is most likely the cause of the over eating. With five kids it's impossible not to get stressed!

Hopefully from this point on I'll have my eating more under control and will get back to losing weight and getting thin and healthy! I'm aiming to lose another 30 pounds or more. I'll know when I get there!

I lost 30 pounds!

I'd been a little overweight all my life. When I was 18, 19, 20 I weighed around 140-150 and wore a size 10-12. Even then I wasn't totally happy with that, but it wasn't terrible. I figured I could still lose another 10-20 pounds.

Then I began dating my husband, and immediately put some weight on. I'm still not entirely sure why, I think it was mostly because I just stopped caring as much. I was comfortable with him, so any sense of self control I had when it came to food just went right out the window.

Then I got pregnant for my twins. I was 22 years old. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy, and only took off about 50 when they were born. That other 50 continued to stick around.

I tried numerous times through out the years to take that weight off, usually losing up to 15 pounds before giving up and putting 20 pounds back on. So for almost 7 years I hovered around 190 pounds.

This past summer I attempted to quit smoking, and was actually successful for 4 months. However I put on a lot of weight after quitting smoking. I still don't know exactly how much. Anyone who's ever gained unwanted weight knows the scale is an evil demon when you're heavier than you'd like to be, so I avoided it like the plague.

I ended up going back to smoking, partially in hopes to lose that extra weight, which of course was a silly idea. After awhile some of the weight did begin to come off, very slowly, but I was still a lot heavier than I should have been.

Then September rolled around, along with all the new TV shows. My husband and I are big fans of Dancing With The Stars, and watch it every Monday and Tuesday night. The only problem was on Tuesdays we'd sit down at 8pm forgetting the show didn't start until 9. So while flipping channels trying to find something to watch, we came across an episode of The Biggest Loser. For a couple weeks we'd watch the first hour of Biggest Loser before switching over to Dancing With The Stars.

Eventually I decided to go on the Internet and watch all of this season's episodes of Biggest Loser that I'd missed. That was the night it hit me! I'm watching this show, where some of the people only started off at about 250 pounds. During a bathroom break I decided to see how bad I'd let myself go. My scale said 225. How devistating! By the third or fourth week some of the Biggest Loser contestants already weigh less than I do!

The very next morning I started my diet and excersize plan. I stopped drinking soda, and drink nothing but water through out the day (that is after my single cup of coffee in the morning). I began eating breakfast, something I don't normally do. I chose healthier lunch and dinner options, plan a couple healthy snacks throughout the day, and gave up the late night munching, which was my biggest downfall.

Having cable can be a blessing sometimes, because I have access to an Excersize On Demand channel where I can choose a work out anytime I feel like it. There are many work outs available on that channel from Jillian Michaels (a Biggest Loser trainer). I've begun doing one of these work outs each day.

I've been on this diet and excersize plan for about 6 weeks now, which is phenomenal for me, I've never been on a diet longer than a month in my life! And I've lost about 30 pounds, another huge accomplishment, I've never lost more than 20 pounds while dieting. I'm currently down to about 195 and loving it. I'm back to fitting into all of my clothes again, which is a great feeling.

But right now is about the hardest part of my diet. It's been really hard to get much further below my current weight, so I've been comfortable here for 7 years. I do plan to continue on this diet and excersize plan. I'll actually be joining my local YMCA within the next week or so, so then I'll have access to gym equipment, aerobics classes, a pool, and a number of other fitness activities, which is very exciting for me. I just worry (as I've been doing since the day I began this diet) whether or not I'll be able to continue to lose weight and maintain my diet and excersize plan.

Wish me luck!

Poor Javy

Javy's true passion in life is sports. That's always been his passion and it probably always will. He's decided he wants to be a professional football player, and who am I to squash that dream? I do everything I can to support him and help him be successful in sports.

This year he has finally started playing football through school, they call it "modified". He's absolutely loving it, it's his first time playing real football.

Well, two days ago the silly child cuts his hand pretty bad in his locker. I had to go pick him up from school and take him to the doctor, where he ended up getting 3 stitches on his middle finger.

So, then the doctor tells us Javy can't play football or participate in Phys. Ed. for 3 weeks!! I'm thinking "Are you nuts??" It's just a little cut on his finger!

So I told Javy to ignore all that and go to football practice anyways. Unfortunatly the school nurse and the coach both told Javy that school rules state he's not allowed to play with stitches!! Ugh!! However, he still has to attend practices even if he can't play or participate!!

So the doctor who stitched Javy's finger said no sports for 3 weeks!! He's going to get the stitches out in 2 weeks... by then he'll have already missed the first game.

He's heartbroken, and so am I. This is such a blow to him. I'm hoping to find a way to shorten his wait time and get him back in football before that first game. I'd hate to see him miss it.